Woman To Woman…

Stop asking Women when they’re having children.

… According to the U.S. Census, the percentage of adults without children has climbed 19 points since 1967 to 71.3%. In 2015, 61.5% of 25- to 35-year-olds don’t have kids living under their roof. Chances are, you know someone who’s taken the first two steps in the popular rhyme, “first comes love, then comes marriage.” I’m here to implore you not to finish the verse. Because you never know why the subject of your curiosity hasn’t converted the office to a nursery, and their reasons for being childfree may be deeply personal. (goodhousekeeping.com)

They could be struggling with infertility

Lots of people haven’t filled the house with the pitter patter of tiny feet, but not for lack of trying. According to the latest data by the National Center for Health Statistics, the fertility rate in the U.S. has fallen to 62 births per 1,000 women between the ages of 15 to 44. In addition, up to half of pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to the March of Dimes.

click to continue reading… (https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a31045898/childfree-stop-asking-if-i-am-having-kids/)

When are you going to start trying? When are you going to complete your family? Why don’t you have kids yet?

 For years I’ve  heard gym members ask my clients these questions during casual conversations. Knowing how uncomfortable and awkward it was for them is cringe-worthy. You must first meet the criteria of course. Newly married, over 30 or both. That’s the green light.

For me, being a bonus mom still didn’t leave me exempt. While these questions never caused me any emotional trauma or anxiety, I know for a fact the impact was different for so many others. I’m always ready to further the dialogue when the topic presents itself. The conversation becomes less about me, and more about educating them. Don’t be afraid to let people know when they cross a boundary. 

The cultural disconnect with all of these questions comes back to one thing. The assumption that a woman isn’t complete until she’s given birth. The other more undeserving assumption is that a woman who hasn’t had a vaginal birth by a certain age must not want children.

The reality is this:

• Motherhood isn’t a requirement of marriage.
• Motherhood isn’t a requirement of womanhood.
• Motherhood by way of giving birth isn’t always up to the woman.

In most cases, it’s up to the functionality of the womb. Many women have suffered in silence due to infertility or multiple miscarriages. 

The thought of having to explain the intentions of their womb for the sake of one’s voyeuristic, invasive or outdated ways of thinking seems downright tragic. While keeping in mind, most people who inquire have “good intentions, mean well and don’t intend to offend.” Good intentions or not, this line of questioning is inconsiderate and tone deaf all the way around. I say this with love. If you’re close enough and trust each other enough with the intimacies of your life, at some point, she’ll bring  it up, if she chooses. Remember, it’s up to her, not you. 

The sanctity of womanhood has never been truly honored in our society. A woman’s womb should never be up for discussion unless she volunteers it as a talking point. Honoring the freedom of womanhood means honoring the privacy and intimacy of a woman’s body and a woman’s right to live life on her own terms. All to be valued, revered and respected.

The Freedom of Womanhood relies on honoring the Woman. In all forms.

– Coach Ell-

Black Women Stress Differently…

Superwoman Schema: A scale developed by CL Woods-Giscombe to test the five factor model of how African American Women experience Stress, Strength and Health.

• An obligation to present an image of strength
• An obligation to suppress emotions
• An obligation to resist being vulnerable
• An obligation to help others
• A drive to succeed despite limited resources

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

To add to the already heavy burdens faced by Black Women,

As stated by contributor Kathy Caprino in a recent http://forbes.com article:

The pandemic has added additional burdens to what was already a worse experience in the workplace. 

• 52% of Black Women report being the “only of their gender and race at work. They are often more likely to feel uncomfortable bringing their whole selves to work.
• 42% feel uncomfortable sharing their thoughts about racial inequity
• 22% feel like they can’t talk about the impact current events are having on them or people in their community
• Black Women are 2.5 times more likely to report the death of a loved one, yet 1.5 times more likely to feel uncomfortable sharing their grief or loss.

(forbes.com)

“Most Community Based Programs don’t speak to the specific health needs of the Black Woman. It is for this reason, that my program design centers around and caters to those needs. When it comes to Black Women working in the Health and Wellness industry, we currently make up less than 10% of Coaches. Representation Matters.” – Coach Ell-

Researchers have suggested that health disparities in African American Women, including adverse birth outcomes, lupus, obesity and untreated depression, can be explained by stress and coping. (medicalnewstoday)

In the eyes of society, to be a Strong Black Woman means carrying the weight of the world, your oppressors and your family on your back without breaking. To be enraged or angry is by default a character flaw instead of a cry for help.

What we know is that there is power and strength in being vulnerable and emotionally present. We are giving ourselves permission to cry out loud, to seek therapy, to take time off, to invest in our mental health and to pay closer attention to the foods and energies around us.

We are giving ourselves permission to Heal in a world that has told us we don’t matter enough.

Yes, we are tired, but we will not let stress be the death of us.